Can you believe I’ve been blogging now for a whole 6 months? Because I sure can’t! And I’m sure you’re expecting a rah-rah sort of post today, but I have a little something different planned…
Last week as part of enrolling early in Erica’s (at Coming Up Roses) online course BossPitch, I had an hour-long session with Rachel from The Confused Millennial. In addition to having an amazing blog, Rachel also offers some pretty kick-ass business coaching, so needless to say I was pretty excited to meet with her through Skype. After all, I’m a new blogger and could use some serious feedback and help. And boy, did I get WAAAY more than I bargained for. I don’t think she even realizes that she opened up so many cans of worms. In her defense, Rachel warned me that I would probably hate her afterward. Thankfully I don’t, but damn.
After I finished my horribly embarrassing Skype sesh with her (sorry Rachel), I swear I went through all the stages of grief. I literally played each embarrassing thing over and over in my head for the rest of the afternoon. Wondering why I even did/said certain things and why I didn’t say others. That’s an anxious + introverted mind for you!
I was literally so upset I did what any rational adult would do – I ate my feelings and cuddled my cat until even she didn’t want anything to do with me. Then came the stages of grief on a constant loop:
Denial: “Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I think. It’s totally fine Cameron, totally fine.” Spoiler: It wasn’t.
Anger: “I mean, who does she even think she is?!?” — She’s a professional who knows her shit that’s who.
Bargaining: “Maybe if I just send her a follow up email it would make it better…” — thank sweet baby kittens I didn’t send her an email.
Depression: “I should just give up blogging. Clearly I have no idea what I’m doing, no one cares, no one likes my stuff, I’m not better than anyone….”
Acceptance: “You know what? Yes, I do have some problems, but I am going to fix them and be an awesome blogger!”
But she was right. Everything she said was 100% right, as hard as it was to hear. So here we are. Most of the things she found were fairly small – no social icons here or there, and share button not where it was supposed to be, etc. But the biggest issue she found? Bringing my personality in more to my posts and writing for who my “ideal reader” is. Which sounds so simple – how could I not know who my ideal reader is? When I first started blogging, I had people my age in mind in every post I wrote. I write posts that I would like and do like to read. So I guess my ideal reader is me? But then she asked who I am…
And queue the existential crisis I’ve been having now since our meeting. But I finally have an answer – and it’s that I’m still figuring it out. You know that song Turning Out by AJR? Pretty much my life in a nutshell. Obviously being from Louisiana and having that southern pride is a major part of me and it unlikely to change. But there are many facts of my life that I wouldn’t consider fundamental. I am constantly changing, and still figuring out so much about myself and my life.
My first semester of college was rough for me. I overloaded my schedule, wasn’t the best at actually studying or asking for help when I needed it, and my GPA suffered because of it. And I mean seriously suffered. I lost my scholarships and my dream of going to medical school was never going to happen…it was like rug was pulled out from under me. The rest of my time in college I was still in that state of catching my breath – I had blinders on to the point of only worrying about getting my GPA up. It was a never-ending cycle of “if x happens than y”. I was so obsessed with calculating my grades that I didn’t even take the time to actually enjoy being in college. At one point I worked 2 jobs to pay for tuition so I wouldn’t have to ask my parents for help.
[RELATED] – My Graduate School Experience
In my second semester of my junior year, I woke up a little bit. It no longer mattered if I ever got my GPA up. I wasn’t getting those scholarships back. So I quit that second job, found an alternate dream, and kept going. But I never had that moment of “finding myself” that so many people have in college. And because I went straight in to graduate school, I didn’t have time to “find myself” then either. And it’s only now that I’m realizing that the idea of “finding yourself” is utter crap. Who you are now is not the same person you were 5 years ago, and certainly won’t be the same person you’re going to be 5, 10, even 15 years from now.Who you are now is not the same person you were 5 years ago... Click To Tweet
I was raised in the country, yes. I was a wonderful student in high school, was a long-time band nerd, an international graduate student and so many other random things. But those things aren’t necessarily what/who I am now. And that’s normal. Right now I’m an introvert, blogger (clearly), aspiring real estate agent and house flipper, pet mom, admin assistant who is trying to afford and plan a wedding, who curses like a sailor, who is still figuring out her life and coping with the stress of that unknown by organizing the entire house and cooking a lot.
[RELATED] – Slow-Cooker Red Beans and Sausage
So back to that “idea reader”…
If you’re a 20-something who doesn’t quite have your life or career figured out yet, happen to have strange coping mechanisms like organizing the crap out of everything (like me), have a love for delicious food (also like me), or might need some random guidance in some area of your life – whether it be cooking, organization, life advice, etc. – then my blog is for you. The whole reason I started blogging in the first place was to help people like me, so if you have a particular question/comment/concern you you think I can help you with or read something that I could use your advice about, comment/email/facebook stalk away! After all, I’m trying to grow a community here where we can all figure out this whole life thing!
Are you a struggling 20-something?
Comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!